Broken

On my first post back from vacation I should be writing about exactly that – vacation! But I’ve been home for over a week and I can’t get myself to write anything at all. I’m all upside down inside. Two poems I wrote earlier this year will have to say what I can’t. They were both written within 2 weeks of my father’s passing.

Will I ever remember

You were always there to catch me
You broke my every fall
Your strong arms always reached me
And helped me stand up tall

Now a fog has descended
And I cannot find my way
I’m reaching in the darkness
My nerves begin to fray

I still need you to catch me
But you cannot break my fall
Your arm no longer reaches
For you’re not there at all

How can I live without you
How can I stand up tall
How can I run the race of life
When I can’t stand at all

My skin feels burnt
My heart’s so sore
My mind’s worn down
And I’m flat on the floor

You sat me down and taught me
How to find my way
You gave me all the tools I’d need
to face each rainy day

But the fog clouds my vision
And my heart is filled with lead
What was it that you taught me
What was it that you said

Will I ever remember
Will I ever find a way
To live the life you gave me
While missing you each day

(by Cecilie Miller –  March 8, 2009)

When you know what they mean

How words can change when you know what they mean
I was so ignorant, I had not seen
that these short little words encompassed a world
so dark and so vast, like hell unfurled
The moment they hit you,
the moment you sink
their claws dig holes
you’re right on the brink
of a pit of destruction
that shatters all hope
there is no escape
you cannot elope
the despair of mourning
the depth of grief
steal your heart
they come like a thief
loss and sorrow
so empty and foul
I wish they’d escape me
instead they just scowl
they haunt me, they taunt me
they call out my name
they fill every pore
of my frail, naked frame
Their wounds will heal
Their scars will remain
I have changed
I am marked by their stain

(by Cecilie Miller – March 15, 2009)

Me and my Pappa